BRATs

I appeared in the papers some days ago.
Crappy, ainnit?
My picture, as usual, is horrible.

Still..



Like a bad dream.  


The camp was nothing but accidents!
Heh, maybe no, but it still stands true.

First, coming out of the hotel on the way to the camp, I fell down, resulting in a 50+20 cent coin bruise.

Second, ferry ride.
I was already queasy when I got on the ferry, but when it started moving..

"Oh God, please save me, I promise to be good forever!"
"Mummy, mummy, where are you?! Save me!"
"OMG, this is hell..!"
"Dear Lord, take me away, please please please!"

"Stop the goddamn ferry! I'd rather die!"
"Oh God, please strike me dead.."

"I can't take this anymore. Stop the ferry please, I want to get down."
"Excuse me, please stop the ferry."
[I was delirious by this time]

Worse still was the German tourists behind me.
After every big wave, I'd start puking.

*Big wave rocks ferry*

Michelle: Urgggggh..! Bleeeeh.. (puking)
Germans : Hahahahahahaha! This is great fun! (starts singing songs)
Michelle: Blaaaaaackkk...

Really, one will lose all the will to live when put through such conditions.
I KNOW, so don't tell me the contary.

If you think that's the end of it, you're wrong.

In the bathroom, I slipped and fell.

"Omg Michelle, you're bleeding!"
"Huh where?"
"Your nose!"
"Gawd."

I had to pinch my nose while bathing!
Showering like a monkey.
Not a fun thing, I assure you.

Clean, fresh and still dripping blood, I found my lips swollen.
Mostly in the middle of the upper lip.
I was like some poor vain bugger who had a collagen injection for the lips but was too poor to pay for the whole thing, so only the middle part was puffed up.
Not pretty, but very kissable.

Naturally my nose would be bruised too.
It hurts everytime I touch it.
I STILL have to bathe like a monkey, for now I have to hold my hand over my nose to stop the water from killing it.

Then for the third time I fall, this time "upgrading" my 50+20 cent coin bruise to a 50+50 cent one.
A fellow camper thought it was abit of dirt.

"Hey Michelle, you've bathed?"
"Yeah, why?"
"There's still dirt on your knee, a patch of it, you didn't wash properly, I think."
"Huh what? Didn't wash properly? What the--?
"Oh, its just my bruise. No biggie."
" *Gapes* "


My mum says its all my fault I'm so clumsy I can't blame anyone else, but you poor thing you, would you like some rojak, and it makes me think, ain' life good.

Turning

I love the beach!
But it was rather lacking in handsome hunky guys.. pity.

Still, I met this guy there, who reminds me of someone, I think, but way better.
Great fun to talk to, and abit shy at first, but later, haha.
My mum and friends say he's very "soh boon", real decent looking kinda guy.

Ling Sim says I've forsaken my "bamboo" and am crushing on him, but nah, I don't think so.
Just want to get to know him better.. 'cause, well, you'll never know. Heh.

Another reason to miss Penang.

Sweet.

John

I've always loved sexy 40 something year old men, but now I love the women too.

My mum's friends are loads fun.
They're wacky and crazy worse than a imbalanced teen.

They gave me a crash course on finding the right guy.

"You must keep your money to yourself. Cannot share share!"
"Yah, you have to tell him, my money is my money, your money is my money, your mother's money is mine too!"
"Go for Aunty Corrine's son lah, he --"
"Eh what my son, then my money'll be hers loh!"


Later one of them introduced her son to me and a couple of my friends (girls).

"Eh so Ken, which one do you like? So many young maidens to choose from!"
"Yalah, why y'all so paiseh wan? You can't act like this, we people all very kasar wan.!"


When they were tipsy...

"Find me an Ah John for tonite la, I don't want local Ah John.."
"You know Kat specially wore her panty-exposing pants to seduce an Ah John.."
"Yessar? You seeerious? Kat, really ke?"
"Yala, white colour panty summore! Eh you want to see anot, Kenneth? Got cartoons on it wan le!"

Lovin' it

Penang is a great little place.
Maybe not so little, but "great big place" isn't as catchy.

First, the rojak is awesome.
Second, the rojak is awesome.
Third, the rojak is awesome.

I wanted to buy the sauce back to spread the love in Ipoh but the anti-love-spreading woman said no.

I'm truly sorry, folks.

***

Did I mention the awesome rojak?

Damn I miss it.

Nervous

Sarah called up from Fraser Hills (she was at a BRAT's camp) today.
She sounded so happy, excited.
Oh wow.
Her camp sounds sooo fun!

I can hardly wait for mine.
It'll be a blast, I can tell.
Still, I don't want the day (Friday) to arrive.
Cause when I get back the hols will be over and school will start again.

I want it but I don't.
I'm fickle, nervous, edgy.

I can't wait.

Green

My brother's back for a few days (on study leave, supposedly) and naturally we go out for a session of "yum cha".
We met up with a couple of friends and went to Greentown's Salam for a drink.
All was well till another friend popped over complete with book and pen.
My first thought was, this guy's crazy, I think he's gonna study.

(Un)Fortunately, he'd just wanted to survey us.

"I want you all to answer me honestly and directly.
So if I give you options A and B, which would you choose, and why?"

My bro answers, both are just as reasonable, we can't answer unless you be more specific, and he reels off his whys and therefores.

"No no no, I just want a direct and straighforward answer. I don't want to listen to the 'whys'. [Huh?] I understand your reasons, but I want a direct answer. I know what you mean, but it MUST be A or B. I don't want your explanation."

I don't know which would be worse, a dictated survey (and they call this a democratic country) or the pressure of being at the same table with someone who studies in the middle of "teh tarik".

Friends will never cease to amaze. Bah.

***

6 hours later and I'm on the same hard uncomfortable cold aluminium chair.
We'd been catching up on our lives.
I've been pretty busy the last couple of weeks, so it was great to get a chance to chill and 'ber-fellowship'. To me, at least, my bro's a great person to talk to.

I'll be missing him lots when he goes back to KL.


***

All those hours of 'mamak-ing' in the same hard chair has done me no good.
My back aches and feels like some creaky old bamboo shoot.
Urgh. It hurts to LIE DOWN.

I can't sleep so I think of my other brothers.
Bad idea.
I've not contacted the rest of them for some time, I feel guilty.

Urgh.

Tug of War

I was at the hairdresser's today when two assistants decided to play Tug-O-War with my hair.
My hair was all chopped and trimmed, and I thought I was ready to go, but no.
Two assistants appeared and started blowdrying my already bone-dry hair.

1st Assistant:
Blow blow blow.
Pushes power button up.
Pulls my hair left.
Aims hairdryer nozzle directly at scalp, 0.5cm away.
Pulls head to the left.

2nd Assistant arrives.
Blow blow blow.
Notches up power button.
And up.
Pulls my hair to right.
Aims nozzle at ends of hair.
Split ends are born.
Tugs hair to right whenever 1st Assistant pulls left.

I don't wonder when people complain about the effects of professional 'care'.
The forces are at work.

Tv

I was supposed to go to church today for some play by the Footstool group but felt that it was indecent to appear in public with my lumpy neck, lest I set off children and babies bawling and telling their parents that that bad bad girl didn't chew her food properly and the food is now sticking out of her throat.

I imagine old maid-aunties will come along with loads of advice, do this this and this and of course you must do this so that the lump will grow smaller by 0.01 cm.

All very put off-ing, so I stayed at home and watched '2 Weeks Notice' on tv.
Aha, I know, I'm two years late, but people who watch tv can't be pickers.
Its basically a chick flick, but I love it anyway (especially Hugh Grant!).

Any corny reused cliched story is liable to make me cry.
Pathetic, but still.

Ha

I ate rojak.
To hell with what people say.
This lumpy tonsil is pissing me off.
Haven't I suffered enough to deserve some rojak?

Lumpy

My tonsils are swollen.
Rather, its just my right one.
The left tonsil can barely be seen, but the right one makes me look like a transvestite whose adam's apple ran amok and settled in the upper right region of the neck.

It hurts like an arthritic hand, but its special on me; I don't even have to age.

It takes the joy out of eating because every bite aggravates the bloody lumps and they swell something bad.
What with rash and swollen tonsils, I'm reduced to eating baby food.

Its paintul to look in the mirrow and see this protruding lump distorting my face.
Its not vanity, but it just hurts.


On another note, my rash has been on holiday.
Just about the moment the lumps appeared.
I'm betting that the viruses alternating duties between them.

Stupid microbes.

Great Expectations

"So, little girl --"
"I am not little!"
"Fine, young lady then..!"
"I'm not that old, wei!"
"You know, girls mature faster than guys."
"Haha, yeah, you're an immature fella, we know."
"Girls die faster -- eh, don't change the topic, how many have you done huh?"
"Err, 50."

At this point his eyes open wide and mabye bulge out slightly.

"What you seeeriouus? You did up to fifty?"
"Yeah, but there's some I don't know like --"
"But you did up to fifty?"
"Yes."

He turns to my friends.

"Jon, are you surprised?"
"Er yes."
"You?"
"No, I'm sure she did 50."
"I know she did, but are you surprised?"
"Yeah."

What friends.

Why can't people act normal when I'm hardworking (err..) for once?
I couldn't have been THAT lazy before.

"Okay people, homework, up till here. 83 more."
"Eighty-three?! Cannot lar..."
"What cannot? If you can do up to 50 you can do 83."
"But that was just once!"
"My expectations have gone up."
"I can lower it..?"
"Minus 10 then."
"10? Twenty man!"
"I expect 83 from you. Women are more mature. "
"What's that gotta do with add maths? Haha, immature."
"They die earlier. Old maids at 40!"

Tired

There's a koperasi club meeting today but of course I'm not going.

There has been a lot of politics going around recently in the club and it tires me out.
I can't see how so many people can have conflicts for it's sake for its a terribly dry and boring sort of club, if you could call it that.

I've been there for nearly a month and my patience is wearing thin.
I've been the newspaper girl, delivering this and that, and all to do with the bloody papers.
I can't imagine another year of this.
I know its good because this club will hand me a cert which I can stick on my CV and tell the whole world, hire me, I promise to deliver your paper on time, I'm the newspaper girl!

Anyway I don't think they'll keep me long because I don't give a shit about their meetings and I can't be bothered to explain why.
My BK class is at the same time and of course the natural thing to do is to dump the stupid meeting but I can't tell them that, can I?
They'll get all touchy and feely and say looky here, we can't have a board member doing that, and drag me off to the teacher so I can tell them my sob story all over again.

The teacher will frown and stare and clear his throat and go, we can't have a board member doing that, bla bla bla.

Is there any other Koperasi-caring-loving excuses I can make?

Goodbye

"Here lies the beloved bolster of Michelle, born unknown, dead today."

This so sad.
My mum made me throw out my bolster today.
She says its a crime to keep it any longer, my room is bacteria infested because of it.
Stupid woman doesn't know what she's talking about.
My room and the world at large would have germs galore no matter what.
But she is mother, and mothers are unreasonable and their word in household matters goes.

I want to cry, it's like burying your computer, but worse.

Ipoh

There were some Japanese exchange students today at school.
I didn't get their names, hell no, I only actually looked at one of them.
(there were 6)

They sent one to my class and whaddaya know, my classmates all have Japanese names.
They plaster Japanese names to theirs in a most obscure manner.
They crowd around the poor girl in a very unbecoming way.

"Hey wahhh, what a lovooovely pencil!"
"Can you remember my name? Oh my GOD you can! You are so clever!"
"Do you think we're stupid? Yes? I love you anyway!"

I don't wonder why some people call Malaysia an undeveloped country.

Sometimes its a sin not to.

Grub

I've found out that - (tada!) - maggots taste sour.

It's rather disappointing.
But what more could you expect of a grub that usually makes dead bodies home?

I was munching on this piece of guava when there appeared a smell.
(What smell, you'll have to eat maggots.)
Looking down, there were some maggots with a black dot on their heads (White Beauties?) wriggling in my guava.

And they don't even taste good.

Of all cheek.

Merdeka

To get us all into the "semangat kemerdekaan", we have to act a Merdeka-type play.

One group, five people.
Azizi, Pui Yun, Izzati, Kuppu and me.
I could see Pui Yun and Kuppu wanting to protest, but luckily Azizi just swept us all in a group.

They (Kuppu and Pui Yun) were at first abit uncomfortable, but soon we got into the spirit of the play.
It was hilarious, and I was cast as the old woman.
(Ahem, a young old woman!)
Azizi was the British officer, and me being the sickly old woman I was, I had to suck up to her.

"Ya tuan, ya, ya."
"Tuan betul, oh tuan betul!"
"Tuan tuhan..."

Then somehow Pui Yun read Kuppu's lines.
Kuppu was saying, eh you stole my lines!
Then Pui Yun went, har, what what what where got?!
We all started laughing hysterically again; Puan Rosmawar probably thought we were fools.

Mabye you just had to be there, but they were so natural.
Like they never argued at all.
Friends again.

The both of them, I know they've forgiven each other, but are just too, what, proud(?) to apologise first.
Useless morons.

What is pride anyway?

Brassy

Today we got a scolding like never before from a teacher.

I've always been waiting for the day that a teacher of mine, any teacher, to stand up and tell students, shut up you bloody morons.
They're always so pathetic saying, quiet girls, keep quiet, quiet.
I don't know, mabye they're afraid of "exposing" us to the oh so harsh compound, "shut up".
Mabye they're just trying to keep up a facade sound moral values.
What crap.

I got my wish, my headmistress Mrs. Ong today told the morning girls, shut up, I don't like any of you, you get on my nerves.

At last some honest frank talk.
She is a woman of principles.
(Stupid principles, but still.)

Very liberating.

Sick

Miss... errr, X, has an admirable ability.
She can go on and on talking about the same thing, saying the same things.
That is a good thing, of course, of course.
Excellent if she were talking about sexy men I like, or rojak, or books.

Oh but no.
She just loves talking about Simar.
He's not sexy, he's neither man nor rojak, not even book-like.

She goes:

"Eh you know, Simar called me and said bla bla bla..."
"He called and told me blah."
"He said blebbbb."
"He told me ..."

It's okay once, twice mabye, not miles of times.

It gets worse when I corner her and say accusingly,
"You like him don't you? Admit it you moron. It's terribly obvious."

She blushes and changes the topic.
"How's your Mr.Y now, so who are you with already, faster, tell me who you like, I know you like Mr.Y, look she's all red! I knew it."

To stop her crap, I say,
"Oh you know, I like Simar."

She stares and jaws promptly drop, you like Simar?
She runs off to spread the love, and friends turn to me, gasp, and say in symphony, you like Simar?!

I tell her, I tell them, I meant only as a friend, its all purely platonic, but of course they don't hear.
They just talk and its horrible.

"Michelle and Simar."
"Shut up."
"Simar and Michelle."
"Shut up."
"Michelle and --"
"Shaddap."

Shaddap.

***

Miss X, I can't mention her name, or she'll call me a crappy friend and that will haunt me for the rest of my life and I'll feel so guilty I'll act like her slave; I'd rather not have all that, so for you people who know who I'm referring to, just shut up, for my sake! Read and be happy.

Home

Yes, home!
I've got back my broadband!

But damn it all, Telekom is pretty messed up.
First they screw up the paperwork.
Then they cancel my account, for no good reason.
Mother has to run all over to clear up everything; money naturally demanded.
(I think its because I've been hogging her line; such willingness!)

I am back and hereby reclaiming my N/A status.
I'm home.

Peas

I have been reduced to dreaming of rojak; no more eating now.

The doctor says cut off all seafood and milk products and eggs from my diet in an attempt to stop my breaking out in a rash.
Of course my mum would instantly jump at the seafood bit and say, no rojak for you anymore ha!, its shrimpy.
It doesn't help when other people agree with her, them with their nodding heads and anti-rojak attitudes.


Why is the world against my rojak and me?!
Don't they get it, its a "till death do us part" thing.

I have no plans of dying yet.
Me and my rojak, we're one.

Lalala

I've been having the weirdest dreams lately.
Rather like a flash flood of them.
A flood of dreams starring one puny human.
(Okay, not puny.)

But still... it's freaky.

It makes me wonder, do I really think of nothing else?

Ho hum...

I need distractions, dammit.
Distract me people!

Church

I went for Sunday service today.
(After many moons.)
It was funny to see my friends react to my presence.
(My presence.. umm sounds grand don't it? =D)

They would invariably walk past me, double back and exclaim, Chew! I thought you were dead?
And they say absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Bah.

A couple of friends were back from KL, but still there seemed to be less people than normal.
Friends have left, more will be leaving, and soon I'll be left alone.
Everyone else will either be too old or too young.
I'll miss you guys SO much.

I'll miss the yumcha's, the lepaking, the movies, the jamming sessions and yeah, the playground.
Haha playground. Imagine huge buffoons trying to do acrobatic stunts clawing each other hanging from toddler-sized bars.
Yeah, that us.

That us.

Dang

I'm a true prophet.

I said I'd die eating rojak, and that's probably true.
I'm even supported by scientific evidence.

There was this teeny weeny article in the papers today.
It said : Rojak causes cancer.

Well no, not exactly, but they said dried fish and shrimp.
In case you didn't know, dried shrimp VURRY VURRY essential in rojak.
No shrimp, no rojak.

Of course, I could always opt for vegetarian rojak.
Then I'll be safe from the clutches of shrimpy cancer cells.


Thanks very much, but I'd rather die fighting.

Cheeaaap!

After school today I fell in love.

That someone I had loved once, but we drifted apart due to financial constrains.
Plus long-distance relationships don't really work well for me.

But but but...
Today we met and yes, its confirmed.
We're together again.
(The economy fluctuates, prices are getting lower. Easier on my pocket. Heh.)

I'll be updating less frequently now, I'm gonna leave my down-graded pc (it's dial-up, for God's sake!) and have an affair with my beloved Agatha Christies.

Make a toast to the happy couple, won't 'cha?

Noddy

Pui Yun is upset.
Kuppu is upset.
I'm in between them.

She's not talking to her.
She's not talking to her.
They both talk to me.

Pui Yun goes:

"I can't believe my best friends would do this to me. I trusted them and they back-stab me. I can never trust nobody now."

Right after that, Kuppu says:

"I can't believe that SOME people are so childish, so inconsiderate, so sensitive, always jumping to conclusions, such a moron. She didn't even hear me out when...."

You get the point.

It doesn't end there.

"I don't want to touch her table."
"I don't want a book SOMEone has already held."
"I don't want to be in the same group with her!"
"I don't..."
"I don't..."
"I don't...:

I avoid answering by nodding sagely.
I pretend to study.
I act busy.
I go to sleep.

Hell, I don't know how much longer I'll last.

Marshmallows

It was Sarah's birthday dinner yesterday, and I ate fish.

Yes fish.
As in those little icky slimy stinky swimming creatures.
After 13 years,
I ate 'em.
Don't worry 'bout me, I'm a strong girl, I can survive them fish, and I'll eat them all till I turn into one myself.

In the future you may see looking very like a piece of tuna, you may snigger, you may smirk.
But I will rise above all you tiny people and stand TALL.

Behold, the new and soon-to-be tall me.

(Please be patient, as Sarah's birthdays occur only once a year, the effects of all this fish consumption will take some time to appear. In the meantime, act like I'm tall already.)